Caregiver’s Corner by Brain Energy Support Team (BEST) Board Vice-President, caregiver and guest blogger, Maggie DePuye-Phillips
In keeping with the Brain Energy Support Team’s (BEST) theme for the summer, wellness, I’d like to focus on the importance of caregivers taking care of themselves. This is a common area of concern for many, if not, all caregivers. We focus so much on the loved one we care for that we often neglect our own needs, which may lead to burnout, stress, fatigue, and inefficiency in our performance. What good is that?
Have you heard of the airline oxygen mask analogy? When you fly on a plane, the flight attendant will typically go over emergency procedures and give instructions to put your oxygen mask first, before helping others. Why is this important and how does it relate to caregivers? If you run out of oxygen, you cannot help anyone else. So, if you do not take care of yourself FIRST, how can you take care of your loved one? Ponder that for a moment. What is it that makes it so challenging for us caregivers to take care of ourselves? Simply put: we have conditioned ourselves to believe that we are selfish if we do not consider others before us. It is our true nature to do for others because we possess the qualities of caring, nurturing, being responsible, supportive and competency. Like the Energizer Bunny, we keep going and going and going. Eventually, that bunny stops, when the batteries die. As caregivers, we eventually wear down and stop functioning!
When we apply self-care, we recharge our batteries and restore the physical, mental and spiritual health we so desire to maintain. Rest, healthy eating, going to a support group, reading a relaxing book, gardening, meditating, getting a manicure/pedicure and yoga or exercise are all positive ways for proper self-care. And this is not just a one-time deal–this must be done on a regular basis! Think about the responsibilities of owning a car and the maintenance
it requires to run smoothly. If we care so much about our vehicles to put in fuel, get regular oil changes, rotate tires and top off fluids, we certainly deserve to care about regular maintenance on ourselves, yes? Without these outlets, we will only return running into the ground feeling burnt out, irritated, lonely, sick and even depressed. Yet, when we do get
respite care or even take a ten-minute break, we can’t help but feel some guilt, right?
You are not alone.
At a recent caregiver conference I attended in Tukwila, I had the pleasure of listening to Elaine Sanchez, an author and co-founder of a caregiver website, CaregiverHelp.com. (more details on this website to come). Ms. Sanchez was the keynote speaker and presenter of two breakout sessions, which I attended as well. One of her workshops, Guilt: Get Lost, You Big Bully, was a huge eye-opener for me, as guilt is a common emotion I experience from time to time as a caregiver. I learned a variety of strategies to release guilt but the bottom line is, it is all a choice to feel guilty! Why choose to waste time feeling guilty when you can make use of your time better by feeling happy?
Change the way you think the next time you do some self-care, and I guarantee you, you will like the results. Well, it’s time to get rid of that guilt! Let’s put on our oxygen masks and recharge! Remember, self-care is not a luxury, rather, it is a necessity! Not only will our loved one appreciate us more, but we will appreciate ourselves better.
Until next time, enjoy the summer, make wonderful memories, and remember to take time for yourself!
Information & Resources
Check out this online resource: www.caregiverhelp.com. This site, developed by Elaine Sanchez and her husband, Alex, is an excellent tool for not only caregivers but support groups and professionals working with caregivers. Videos, workbooks, training and her books are available to you to tap into; however, it requires a paid membership. There is a 7-day free trial to see if this website tailors to your needs. Click on the FAQs tab of the home page to learn more information.
The Washington State Family Caregiver Support Program offers information, support and services to unpaid caregivers caring for an adult 18 years or older with functional disabilities. Services may include: referrals, consultation, education, training, support groups, counseling, respite care and more.
Powerful Tools for Caregivers, a national award-winning educational class series in a six-week class format, are offered throughout Washington State. Check to see if a class is offered near you by clicking on this website.
Building Better Caregivers online course: Are you caring for someone with dementia, memory problems, post-traumatic stress disorder or a serious brain injury? Consider taking this online course, developed by Stanford University, which helps caregivers take better care of themselves. This course is offered free of charge, courtesy of the National Council on the Aging.
Caregiving Matters Support Group: Are you looking for a face-to-face support group to join locally? Look no further! Starting in September, BEST will host a monthly support group for BESTies’ caregivers at Our BEST Space, every third Saturday from 1:00-3:00 pm. The group will be a place to obtain information, exchange ideas, and maintain friendships and will be facilitated by yours truly. If you are interested or would like more information, feel free to contact me via email: Maggie@brainenergysupportteam.org or call the BEST office.
From my caregiver toolbox, I will share various tips to help you become more effective as a caregiver. The following wellness tips are based on lessons learned from the book, Letters from Madelyn, by Elaine Sanchez.
• Set aside some time each day for yourself
• Get out in nature
• Learn something new
• Redefine fun
• Accept help
• Find a safe release for negative emotions
• Savor happy memories
• Stay connected socially
Once again, I am plugging for Elaine Sanchez, author of the book, Letters from Madelyn:Chronicles of a Caregiver. She wrote this book in honor of her mother, who wrote letters to Elaine about her life as a caregiver for her husband who had a stroke. Here is a description of her book:
A Kansas farm woman’s life turns upside down when her husband suffers a debilitating stroke. Tender, gritty, and uproariously funny, Madelyn’s letters to her daughter deal with the grim realities of aging, illness, and long-term caregiving, and prove that a person can grow mentally and spiritually, even when a loved-one’s life is not ending easily.
Lastly, I leave you with two quotes to ponder:
As long as we have the ability to think and to reason, we have the power to choose our attitude toward any person, situation or event. ~Elaine Sanchez
You are good enough. You are capable. You are important. You are worthy. You are loved. And you are not alone.~Anoymnous
We are so excited for our “Be Your BEST You Wellness Event” tomorrow beginning at noon at Our BEST Space and the BEST Learning Center in University Place, Washington.
Here are the top 10 reasons you should stop by, local BESTies:
1. You’ll learn something new.
2. You’ll get some tips, techniques and strategies to take home with you!
3. You’ll meet some really compassionate and kind wellness practitioners.
4. You’ll get to meet the sassy and spunky gals from the JBLM Bettie Brigade.
5. Admission is free!
6. There will be a free drawing for great wellness prizes!
7. You’ll get to mix ‘n’ mingle with other BESTies and their families.
8. You’ll have the opportunity to check out Our BEST Space and the BEST Learning Center (if you haven’t had a chance to do so already).
9. You’ll get to celebrate the first day of summer with others who are really interested in feeling their BEST.
10. It will be fun!
Looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow!
Meet Maggie DePuye-Phillips!
Not only does Maggie serve as BEST’s board vice president, she has a personal and professional background as a caregiver. Caregiver’s Corner, is an exciting new feature on the BEST blog designed just for you. Maggie is there to offer the support, encouragement, tools and resources to help. You can take part, too: ask a question, share your own tips or take part in the conversation. Check out Maggie’s new column right here!
Welcome to Brain Energy Support Team’s (BEST’s) first edition of Caregiver’s Corner! Part of the BEST mission is to provide support, advocacy, public awareness, education and socialization opportunities to individuals with brain injury and their families. For most in the brain injury (TBI) community, family members are the primary caregivers. As a caregiver and a member of the BEST Board, I decided to help carry out the mission of providing support and advocacy to our BEST caregivers by creating a Caregiver’s Corner. I intend to provide information and resources, upcoming caregiver events, tips from my caregiver toolbox and inspirational stories and quotes.
My goal is to share with you the information and best practices I have learned from my own professional experience as a rehabilitation counselor, as well as from my personal experience as a caregiver, in hopes of empowering you to continue on your own journey as a caregiver.
As this is the first edition, I thought I’d introduce myself.
For six years, I have been a caregiver for a veteran who has a TBI and PTSD as well as foot injuries sustained from a skydiving incident while serving in the U.S. Marine Corps. My educational background is in deafness rehabilitation counseling and I have been in the field of providing rehabilitation services for over twenty years in a variety of capacities.
My professional career started at Northern Illinois University (NIU), where I was a counselor, providing direct services for students with disabilities, particularly for the deaf and hard of hearing. I also taught American Sign Language to undergraduate and graduate students during my term at NIU. In addition, I served on several professional organizations at the state and national levels. In 2008, the state eliminated my counseling position due to budget cuts. Seeing that it was time for a change, I moved to Washington State to start a new chapter in my life as a caregiver.
Although I had training as a professional and understood what a traumatic brain injury consisted of and its symptoms, nothing in the classroom prepared me for what I would experience as a caregiver. For most of my life, I have watched my mother be a caregiver for my grandmother, who lived to be 100 years old before she passed away; it was not until I became a caregiver for my partner, that I understood what my mother went through. I am forever grateful to her because unknowingly, I was learning patience, compassion, understanding, kindness, strength, courage, heartache, and even forgiveness. I was being prepped all those years, and only until recently, did I realize how I have been able to navigate this amazing journey of being a caregiver gracefully.
Since relocating to Washington, I became actively involved in my partner’s health care, ensuring that he was receiving the benefits he was entitled to as well as learning the ins-and-outs of the Veteran Administration system (not an easy feat)! I have met so many incredible people within the TBI community who have been very supportive of my partner and his needs. I decided to join BEST team as a board member and eventually became board vice president and I love every minute of it! I am also an active participant in the Caregiver Study program through the Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center, which was founded by congress to provide state of the art clinical care, innovative clinical research initiatives and educational programs and support for health protection services for the active duty servicemembers and veterans with traumatic brain injuries and their beneficiaries.
Well, enough about me.
As promised, please check out these great finds related to caregiving that I have discovered along the way on my journey as a caregiver.
Information & Resources
Check out this online resource: https://caregiver.org/traumatic-brain-injury. This site has a wealth of information for you to navigate. It may be overwhelming at first, so take your time and peruse at your own leisure.
Need a support group?
Check out https://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/Resources/clickmap.htm
Sometimes time does not allow you to travel to a support group. Fortunately, there are online support groups through various social media. I particularly enjoy Veteran Caregiver on Facebook because I can read their status updates and comment at my own leisure and get that warm fuzzy feeling when needed. There are many others, too, and in future editions, I will be sure to share them with you.
Challenges in Caregiving, Giving Care, Taking Care-A Conference for Family Caregivers sponsored by DSHS and ALTSA, June 2, 2014; follow this link for more information: https://www.altsa.dshs.wa.gov/caregiving/documents/2014/Challenges%20in%20Caregiving%202014.pdf.
From my caregiver toolbox, I will share various tips to help you become more effective as a
caregiver. Here are two to start with:
Use a checklist to keep track of what needs to be done and remind you of what still needs to be done. Some use plain paper and pen while others use checklist templates downloaded from the internet. For those who are tech savvy, you can download checklist apps onto your phone to keep you on track.
To effectively promote clear communication and function as a caregiver, create and maintain a comprehensive file of information of the person you are caring for. Use a binder or other types of organizational tools to keep information as medical history, list of medications, emergency phone numbers, legal information and copies of legal documentation such as living will, power of attorney, insurance information, benefit information and other important pieces of information.
From time to time, I come across some books or even stories online about caregivers and their journeys. Here are two recommendations, both from the same author, Wendy Lustbader. I have personally met Ms. Lustbader and she is a dynamic speaker, whom I have had the pleasure of seeing at several different conferences I attended over the last few years. She is a nationally recognized icon in the field of aging. As an associate professor at the University of Washington and a psychotherapist, she has written several books, including Counting on Kindness, and created a video called A Prescription for Caregivers: Take Care of Yourself. Enjoy them both:
Here are two inspirational quotes to share with you. From time to time, I read quotes to help me get through the day. I trust that sharing them with you will also inspire you, too.
Every day in every way, I am getting better and better. Émile Coué
Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Eckhart Tolle
I am very grateful to the BEST team for honoring my request to start the Caregiver Corner as my way to give back to the TBI community. I am truly excited about this new venture and would love to have your support. Please feel free to reach out to me for any caregiver-related questions or to simply share resources that you may have come across on your journey.
And always remember, embrace the moment!
According to the Mayo Clinic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is defined as, “a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.”
PTSD can sometimes play a role (and a big one) for those individuals with traumatic brain injury (TBI). We found a great website, healmyptsd.com. This site offers helpful information and resources. Check it out by clicking on aforementioned link.
Monday Kick-starter Quote of the Week: A simple, but powerful quote, as today marks the last day of Brain Injury Awareness month. Thank you all for everything you do and being a voice to create awareness, not just this special month, but every day going forward!
Today’s hero is an innovator and forward-thinker who sees a bright technological future for not only
individuals with brain injury, but for an entire community of people who could use extra support for
their life and work endeavors.
In fact, she thinks we’ve really only just begun.
Meet Kathy Moeller, founder of Cognitive Harmonics, Inc., an organization that offers robust life and
work management systems specifically designed for people with brain injury. The BRAIN BOOK ©
System and My Bionic Brain © is a specially customized life/manager/day planner that provides tools
and resources to meet the needs of individuals with brain injury. Both of these entities are considered
learning systems that teaches specific skills that compensate for issues that are most commonly involved
in brain injury. These skills and tools have a real world, real life, day-to-day application that creates
confidence, empowerment and success.
According to Moeller, in essence, her systems can be seen as a cognitive prosthetic. Whether the device
is electronic or on paper, it functions like an external memory, customizable to each person’s experience
Moeller created the programs after her own brain injury 24 years ago in a seriousl car accident.
Moeller’s vehicle collided head on with a bus. Moeller obtained a traumatic brain injury, broken
bones and other injuries as a result. When she emerged from a coma, Moeller was instantly met with
“I lost my reading ability, I couldn’t dress myself and I was angry and agitated,” shares Moeller. “I was
horribly confused and disoriented.”
After her hospitalization, Moeller went to a brain injury rehabilitation center in Concord, California,
where she received five months of extensive residential care and support, 24/7. Nine more months
followed of outpatient treatment. Post-treatment, Moeller, a marketing executive from New York prior
to her injury, decided to return to work.
“I assumed I could go back to work. I started back as a receptionist. That didn’t work very well,” says
More jobs followed as well as more increasing frustration. While in the midst of her journey, she spent
one year putting a personal brain book together to help her balance, manage and support her work and personal
“It was a like a daytimer on steroids,” says Moeller. “It had memory notes, recommendations and
problem identification, like noise and light. The brain book helped to clarify and verify my experience
and gave supportive tools to help.
Moeller shared her brain book with various organizations; the system was met with enthusiasm, intrigue
and huge support. Moeller’s peers reached out to her to help them create their own brain books, using
her model. Her methods have been shared with hundreds of people and has been formally taught since
the early 1990’s.
In the mid-nineties, Moeller formed Cognitive Harmonics, Inc., to make her system available to those
who needed support; in 2010, along several key collaborative partners, her system is now a robust and
sophisticated iPad app.
Through books, software and the app, Moeller’s products maintain a similar and important thread—all
are individually driven and applicable to each person’s unique and/or complex needs.
Moeller is also a proponent of the peer support network in using the products. She’s noticed that people
who are using the tools are calling one another peer for assistance or support. Moeller sees this kind of
connection amongst peers instrumental in creating success and empowerment.
Moeller’s products have been used by vocational rehabilitation centers in multiple states along with
a number of VA groups and centers. It’s also available to individuals in the private sector. As Moeller
presses on with growing the products technologically and creating even more innovation, she is finding
that the system is applicable to the autism community as well as other conditions.
To Moeller, it’s just the start.
“With technology improving exponentially, we have in all of our futures the ability to solve unsolvable
problems,” explains Moeller. “It is within our grasp; we just haven’t put all of the pieces together yet.
We need to keep pushing forward, based on what individuals need and want.”
“Anything is possible. It is going to happen.”
The definition of advocacy:
The act of pleading or arguing in favor of something, such as a cause, idea, or policy; active support.
Whether it is advocating for others or being a self-advocate, advocacy is key cornerstone of creating brain injury awareness. Check out the advocacy section at Brainline.org for some great and thorough articles.