In an earlier entry I outlined some practices that I believe have helped my progress since my stroke, but somehow I neglected to mention an important one: a support group.
When I was forced to leave my life in Minnesota behind and start all over in Tacoma, I had another challenge on top of learning to live with a traumatic brain injury: how to start a new life in a place where I didn’t know anyone. I had no idea how to proceed.
But I did have one idea that has paid great dividends: I joined a TBI support group.
A TBI support group offers the advantage of gathering with others who are experiencing what I am experiencing. It brings together a real cross section of society. All kinds of people from all walks of life gather in support groups, underscoring the fact that a brain injury can happen to anyone, anyone at all.
When I first went into the group, I had no idea what to expect, as I had never belonged to a support group. I had wondered whether I was getting into an encounter group or a therapy group, but it’s turned out to be its own separate kind of thing. I find that in my support group, everyone is encouraged to speak, and respect for all members is a basic ground rule.
As other members speak, it soon becomes apparent that I am not the only one going through certain experiences that tend to make me feel somewhat isolated from the rest of the world. All of a sudden, the world didn’t seem so small any more. I soon lost that feeling that it’s only me. There are also times when someone will talk about that one little thing that I was hesitant to bring up. Hearing my secret concern spoken by someone else helps me feel less different, and less alone in the world.
The people in my support group are there primarily for the support, hence the name. But one pleasant surprise that sometimes happens when someone talks about their issues and challenges, is that that person is talking about something I go through myself. And it didn’t take me long to find out that no matter show small you may think what you say is, there is likely someone in the group who will be helped by it.
When I say something that actually helps someone else, I feel a kind of joy that is impossible to put into words. When other people place some value on my input, you know what happens? I feel my own sense of value and self-worth get elevated. That happens sometimes after I’ve initially wondered if what I am going to say is silly or stupid. But people will react to it and ask me to say more.
That’s a great lift when I’m feeling helpless and useless. But it’s a great reminder that regardless of how I feel, I can still make a difference in someone’s life. Even at my lowest, I can still add something of value to someone’s life. I would hope others feel the same when they weigh in.
Information sharing is also a common occurrence: I find others can refer me to valuable resources and helpful information. Others may be able to steer me toward a program that may help me, or an agency, or a book, or a treatment; any number of things I may not have thought of on my own.
One of the best things about a support group is that you just might find a friend or friends. If you are like me, you will gravitate toward certain group members and find that you are accumulating phone numbers. Soon you may find yourself meeting other members of the group in social situations outside the group. You will find them to be special friends because they understand what you are going through, and they are sensitive to your needs. And they will definitely value you for yourself, for who you are.
Do you think you’re the strong, silent type, that you don’t need help or that needing help makes you somehow weak? That’s just nonsense. I can’t imagine anyone making it through a TBI alone; we all need help. And a support group is one place where help can be found.
How can you locate a support group? Click here for a list of BEST support groups in the Washington State area. I would also suggest contacting a local social services agency, or doing a Google search for TBI support groups in your area. Some suggested keywords are “TBI support group” and your town or location. You might check with the stroke unit of your local hospital, if there is one.
But I strongly recommend finding a TBI support group and joining it.
Tell them Isaac sent you.
Isaac Peterson grew up on an Air Force base near Cheyenne, Wyoming. After graduating from the University of Wyoming, he embarked on a career as an award-winning investigative journalist and as a semi-professional musician in the Twin Cities, the place he called home on and off for 35 years. He also doesn’t mind it at all if someone offers to pick up his restaurant tab. Peterson also welcomes reader comments. Email him at isaac3rd@gmail.com.
