Category: Self-Care & Mindfulness | Page 2

How to be a Gift Detective (in More Ways than One)!

Posted on December 13, 2022 by Kim Thompson

Posted in Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

I am the parent of two young adults. When it comes to gifts for them, there’s no detective work. I simply ask what they want. If the item(s), appropriately meet my budget and my ability to get them (which fortunately has never been an issue), then I proceed with getting the gifts.

Done!

For those who like to give (and receive) surprises, this probably isn’t much fun. I look at it this way: it’s fun to see the item(s) being used and the happiness it brings, even if it’s not a surprise.

Not all my gift-giving for the holidays (or other occasions) is that straight-forward. In fact, for some of my family members and friends, it’s not easy to figure out what to do.

Have you heard these comments before?

“I really don’t want anything.”

“I really don’t need anything.”

“Don’t get me anything.”

“Oh, I don’t know what I want.”

The reality is simply this: none of those comments are true. There are things we want and need that we don’t voice to each other. We all want and need things in our lives; we are human after all. Much of the time, these things aren’t even material goods. So, why don’t we share what we want or need?

Here are a few reasons. Maybe we think it’s not appropriate to share what we really want and need. Maybe we are fearful to ask. Maybe we don’t think we are worthy of what we want. There are a host of other reasons why we may respond (or not respond) in these ways. The bottom line: as a gift giver, we can try to solve this with love, support and caring. And this is where the sleuthing comes in!

And even better, connecting with the people we care about even more.

But before that though, let’s consider what people really want and need, other than material gifts.

Time.
Company, companionship, connection, community.
Physical, emotional, mental and/or financial help.
Dream fulfillment (big or small).
Support for something they care deeply about.
Something to think about.

So with that, how do we figure out what kind of gift (whether it’s material or not), to give, especially when our potential recipients say they don’t want anything or don’t know?

Here are some steps to try to do some detective work:

Ask gentle open-ended questions. An open-ended question is a question that requires more than a yes or no answer. Use care not to interrogate or push. Maybe say, “I’d love to give you something that is special to you. It doesn’t have to be a gift in a box. Maybe we could enjoy (fill in the blank) together, or I could help you with (fill in the blank)?”
Think outside the box. First, what are you willing to give other than a material gift? Your time? Your support? Money? Transportation? Next, tap into your creativity. How can you make your gift(s) work well for your recipient? Some people don’t care for the holidays or making a big deal out of their birthdays, so perhaps then offer a treat or gift another time of year (a special valentine or celebrate the beginning of spring).
Support a passion. If someone is passionate about a cause or organization or has a passion project or hobby they are working on, consider supporting that with a donation (in the case of a cause or organization) or materials, a helping hand or gift for their passion project or hobby.
Share your heart. If you know someone is really struggling and won’t communicate with you about what they really want or need, if you are able, have a gentle but honest conversation on how you can make their lives a little easier, whatever that may be. If you are unable to have that kind of in-depth conversation for whatever reason, maybe a heartfelt email, letter, or text message simply sharing your care may help.
Accept their wishes. Finally, some people just don’t want gifts and that’s okay. The beauty of being a thoughtful gift detective is to accept the outcome whatever that looks like and celebrate that we can be loving and understanding in different ways.

Finally, don’t forget yourself.

This is a great time of year to reflect about what you want and need, what’s important to you, and how to take the best care of yourself possible. It doesn’t take detective work to know that taking the time to accomplish these thought processes is an invaluable gift you can give to yourself, and you are worth the effort, too.

Kim Thompson is a nonprofit communications professional, freelance writer, and journalist in the Pacific Northwest. She enjoys spending time with her family and friends, taking care of her border collie Ralph, reading, writing, exercise and sports, and spending time in nature. She’s passionate about people, her community, animals, and the arts. She’s currently editing her first book project. Learn more about Kim and her work at her LinkedIn profile here: linkedin.com/in/kimberlykthompson

Be A Patient Observer

Posted on December 2, 2022 by BEST Admin

Posted in Quote Of The Week, Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

Take your time today to be a patient observer instead of a casual passerby.

Another Great Memory …

Posted on December 1, 2022 by Isaac Peterson

Posted in Motivation & Inspiration, Our BEST Stories, Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

Well, it happened again last night, that thing I do all the time where I’m out walking at night and out of the blue, a thought or a memory hits. I’ve written about that before, and this is one of those times I have just got to write it down.

In college, back in Wyoming, I made friends with a group of people from Jackson, Wyoming, near Jackson Hole. I would go there with them on school vacations and make visits over the summer. We got to be good friends and it was always non-stop fun, real fun. They were truly funny and listened to some of the best rock around, but lesser-known stuff like Mother’s Finest and Legs Diamond. They were some of the very few in my life who could hit me with something I hadn’t at least heard about. And these folks could party like…well, nobody could party like these guys.

One year I went there over spring break. Spring can be so incredibly beautiful in Wyoming.

We went to a spot outside of town that had natural warm springs and laid down blankets, spread apart in the grass. I remember it being a fantastic day, weather-wise. It was just warm enough to not be too cold and there were flawless blue skies and no breeze. You can see further than you can imagine, up there in the mountains on a clear day.

It’s not possible to describe that day, really close to the Grand Teton mountain range, near Yellowstone Park. The Tetons is beyond my ability to put into words. But I can say, without fear of contradiction, that the Tetons are cool and impressive looking. The scene in the photo was what it looked like that day but were closer to those mountains than pictured here.

We laid there, out in the noonday sun on that perfect day, not saying much. It took away our ability to speak, but that silence during nature was so calming and so peaceful and life-affirming, just perfect contentment, and tranquility.

Off in the distance we noticed a herd of buffalo, just shambling around while they grazed. We were silent.

After a while, the herd started moving in our direction. They were walking slow, and we could see there were buffalo of all sizes as they headed directly toward us. They were coming closer and closer and nobody so much as twitched, and finally they reached us.

We were all still spread apart, and the herd walked between us all, on all sides, in between the blankets.

They were slow walkers, and it took quite a while for them to move on. They were close enough we could have reached out and touched them. Such huge, gentle quiet creatures.

No one moved a muscle or said a word the whole time. We all were just there, surrounded by buffalo. And we were all blown away beyond words.

It was like we all were transfixed, caught in a magic spell. It was like we all, all of us young kids and all those beautiful animals, shared a spiritual bond.

We watched them as they slowly made their way past and watched for as long as we could see them. I don’t remember anybody saying a word. It would have broken the spell and cheapened the moment somehow.

It hit me full force last night—I have been in a herd of buffalo.

It is beyond my ability to put across in words the feelings of that day—I don’t even know if such words exist.

I haven’t thought about that in a long time. It obviously wasn’t something I’d forgotten, just something I hadn’t thought about in a long time. I can still see that day in my head and in high definition.

I have to say, looking back over my life, this was one of the absolute coolest things that ever happened to me. I have to say though that surviving a major stroke was up there on the coolness scale too.

At times I’ve replayed that scene in my head when I’ve needed to relax and be calm.

If I have anything to be thankful for (and I do) it’s that a stroke hasn’t erased my memories. If it had, it would be as if that day hadn’t happened. That magic day would have been lost to me forever. I’m not the same man I was before that stroke, and if there is anything I can be happy about it that he left me his memories, both good and bad, and this is one of the very best ones. He went through some very beautiful and fantastic events. Parts of that guy are gone now, left in the past, but he sure went through some great experiences, and he left behind the memories.

When I began my new post-stroke life, I didn’t have to start all over again from scratch. I had beautiful memories to build on and to add to. I had great memories to guide me and to aspire to in my new life.

Of course, the bad memories are, but they serve as examples of things to avoid, moving forward. I have those beautiful memories and they help guide me in positive directions as I pick up the pieces and move on.

If I live, those beautiful memories will too. For me, they are what life is all about.

I know loss of memory can be a huge issue for stroke survivors, but somehow it hasn’t been an issue for me. I wish all stroke survivors could be as lucky.

And I also wish everybody could know what it felt like that day and experience that feeling every day.

The world would be a much better place to live.

Isaac Peterson grew up on an Air Force base near Cheyenne, Wyoming. After graduating from the University of Wyoming, he embarked on a career as an award-winning investigative journalist and as a semi-professional musician in the Twin Cities, the place he called home on and off for 35 years. He doesn’t mind it at all if someone offers to pick up his restaurant tab and, also, welcomes reader comments. Email him at isaac3rd@gmail.com. Read more articles by Isaac here; https://www.brainenergysupportteam.org/archives/tag/isaac-peterson

National Family Caregivers Month

Posted on November 22, 2022 by Isaac Peterson

Posted in Caregiver Corner, Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

It’s November again, and that means it’s National Family Caregivers Month, which honors those who serve as caregivers for family members and loved ones.

These are not people who set out to be professional caregivers, but unexpectedly became caregivers when a severe negative health situation disabled a family member and made it necessary to assume the role.

They may or may not be able to afford a certified caregiver or may feel that they themselves are best suited to care for their loved one.

Many, if not most, became caregivers with no training, but the point is that they voluntarily took on a difficult and often thankless job.

I have three long-time friends who became a caregiver for a loved one after a catastrophic health event. None had any training or caregiving experience but didn’t shy away from the caregiver role.

I asked each to answer the question: What did you learn on the job about caregiving that would have been helpful to know when you actually became a caregiver for your loved one?

Their responses are listed below as bullet points, some paraphrased, most as direct quotes.

• “You’re never prepared; only when you’re faced with the caregiver assignment do you realize how daunting it is.”

• Your life isn’t about you anymore. “Be prepared to be interrupted and called upon for help at any time day or night no matter what you are doing. This can be challenging if one is sleeping, tired, or engrossed in some activity.”

• “Do not take their negative comments, etc. personally. You must remember that their inability to do things on their own and in their own way is very frustrating for them. Your family member may take their frustration out on you. They don’t mean to yell or say mean things, it’s just their way of releasing their frustration. I tell myself that I’m a duck, the negative is water and let it roll off.”

• “Take care of yourself. Know your limits. Don’t try to do tasks that you are unable to do.”

• “It’s okay to take a timeout to settle down and gather your thoughts and composure. It’s okay to ask for outside help.”

• “Expect to be overwhelmed with chores. You are now in charge of handling the day-to-day business of your loved one in addition to your own.”

• “Recognize how fast survivors of strokes and other conditions degrade and understanding the importance of physical and occupational therapy to keep them stable is also critical.”

• “Expect some gross stuff sooner or later. About once per week I find myself spending a couple of whole days washing urine-soaked sheets and pillows, and occasionally must clean the patient’s mattress with a carpet cleaner to remove urine stains. It is a lot of odoriferous hard work. And at times when she is incontinent, I must wipe her off with a wet washcloth, but before that I must physically handle her to help her sit up while she is wet from urine. It’s gross, but it must be done.”

• “Be prepared to spend a lot of time sitting around in medical clinic and hospital waiting rooms while the patient gets medical care. This can be very boring unless one has a book to read or can watch or read something on a smart phone or tablet.”

• “Don’t be surprised if you start drinking more or indulging in various forms of escapism such as movies, entertainment, visiting friends, or going somewhere where you can just be left alone.”

• “Just sit and spend time together loving every moment. Listen to each other. Don’t force your ideas and methods onto your loved one. Their body is letting them know what they need and don’t need.”

• “As a caregiver, you may be surprised by how much unexpected moral support and sober respect you get from people in general, from strangers to close family members.”

• “Expect unwanted personal baggage from the patient.” This can come in the form of resentment or interference from others in your loved one’s life.

These are some things my friends would have wanted or needed to know, on unexpectedly becoming caregivers.

Sometimes it may be enough to be a caring, compassionate, patient person, but training never hurts. It may be possible that your state’s health and human services agencies can help you get some training after you start being your loved one’s caregiver, as well as certification and financial assistance.

The work can be stressful and often thankless. But allowing a family member to live their lives with some measure of comfort and dignity is valuable beyond words and can be highly rewarding.

And at any time, on any day, with no warning you may be called upon to take on to become the caregiver for a family member or a loved one.

Seasonal Affective Disorder and TBI

Posted on November 12, 2022 by Isaac Peterson

Posted in Brain Health & Healing, Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

Oh boy. Another rainy fall day in Washington (yawn).

It rains a lot here in the fall and winter, which means it’s also cloudy a lot in those seasons. It’s cloudy more than half the days of the year, which makes it gloomy for many people here, but not me, having lived most of my life in Wyoming and Minnesota. It doesn’t rain in either state as much as the Pacific Northwest, but those two states have their own style of cloudy gloominess.

What Wyoming and Minnesota have in common is lots of snow. For half the year all that grows there are snowdrifts and icicles, and people from out of state have heart attacks just hearing the weather forecast. But it never affected my mood.

The weather up here in Washington doesn’t affect my mood either, but I have to say it’s weird seeing people mowing their lawns in January. The fall and winter months are the rainiest ones here, whereas I’m used to it snowing during that time.

The people who do have trouble when it’s gloomy outside or with the change of seasons are ones with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD can make living in a beautiful state like Washington a gloomy and depressing experience.

SAD is considered a major depressive disorder. People struggling with SAD experience depressed mood, loss of interest in their normal routine and activities, low energy, feelings of hopelessness and trouble concentrating. At least some of this may be brought on by the progressively shorter days, causing their internal clock to be out of synch with nature’s clock. And changing the clocks for Daylight Saving Time can’t be helping matters any.

Seattle ranks in the top ten American cities for gloomy cloud cover, because it has at least half the time with these kinds of weather conditions. People who already deal with mental health issues like depression are more likely to get SAD. Women, people who live at higher latitudes (including us Pacific Northwesterners), and people who are younger, all have a higher risk for SAD.

I also wonder how the depression some feel during winter holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years—might be related to SAD.

From personal experience, I had days where I began work just before sunrise and got off work just before sundown and didn’t see much of the sun. I don’t have SAD, but I can see how that could affect someone who does.

For many people who do have SAD, the depression they feel may be severe enough to bring on suicidal thoughts, and some do go on to commit, or attempt, suicide. I have reason to believe, from skimming some medical literature, that SAD is or at least can be worse for those already prone to depression.

What does that mean for traumatic brain injury (TBI) survivors who may already live with severe depression? I’m not aware of a lot of research looking into it, but I would guess that TBI-related depression would be treated the same way as people struggling with SAD.

One way is the time-honored treatment with antidepressant medications, as well as mental health therapy.

Another treatment that’s shown some promise is known as light therapy. Some researchers believe disruptions in levels of serotonin, a brain chemical that regulates mood, and melatonin, another chemical that helps maintain a normal sleep cycle contribute to depression. Light therapy uses what’s called a light box, a device that emits light that imitates outdoor lighting. Some researchers and therapists believe this type of lighting may cause a natural chemical lift in a patient’s mood and lessen other SAD symptoms like feeling tired much of the time or sleeping too much.

There are several types of light boxes, tailored for specific needs, such as for treating skin conditions and that use various kinds of light. Not every kind of light will be effective for treating SAD. There are other considerations that come with using a light box, like the intensity of the light; it’s recommended to look in the direction of the light but not right at it. This is important for people like me, a traumatic brain survivor with sensitivity to light.

Light box treatments are for short stretches every day, and medical professionals recommend that the first exposure be soon after first waking up. It’s not necessary to have a prescription for a light box, but it’s a good idea to use it under the guidance of a health care provider.

It might be helpful for a caregiver to know whether a survivor’s depression is chronic and TBI-related or is caused by SAD, which will lessen when a gloomy season passes. I’m not a doctor but I do think that information might in some way be helpful for a TBI survivor’s medical provider to be aware of.

It’s important for depression, from any cause, to get diagnosed and treated.

3 Ways To Have Your BEST Day

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Gloria Kraegel

Posted in Brain Health & Healing, Self-Care & Mindfulness Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I love those days when I feel – no, when I know – I accomplished something important to me. Those days when I fall into bed exhausted and exhilarated.

Those days happen more regularly when I follow the three ways to have my BEST day every day. I know that if you try these three suggestions you’ll experience the same thing. You can always let me know in the comments.

#1 Be Grateful – Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” Simply put, be thankful for everything.

#2 Set Intention – I read somewhere that when you set intention the universe works with you to make it happen. Deepak Chopra wrote, “Intention is much more powerful when it comes from a place of contentment than if it arises from a sense of lack or need. Stay centered and refuse to be influenced by other people’s doubts or criticisms.”

#3 Follow Your Plan – There are several benefits to having a plan for today; a schedule. Benefits include

feeling in control of your activities and environment,
feeling safe, secure, and comfortable with yourself and what’s going on in the moment,
knowing what is happening now and what comes next.

To help you have your BEST day every day download the BEST Day Planner!

Download “BEST Plan For Today”

BEST-Plan-For-Today.pdf – Downloaded 31 times – 3.93 MB

Gloria's career as an independent nonprofit consultant, trainer, and writer spans over 30 years giving her lots to talk about. She has a deep passion for sustainability, both environmentally and organizationally. Enjoy her perspectives on community, development, and tales from her virtual world travels.

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